My mare is a she. Calm is not a thing she ever is, and there is a huge difference between young horses and older horses who have been abused. I appreciate that you offer so many suggestions, but perhaps it would help if you read all the posts on a topic as many of us do add more information after the initial post. As for “petting” her with a whip, it would cause a panic attack if I were to just hold one anywhere near her. We have a very long way to go before reaching that point.
It is never the horse's fault